Lying, ‘prevarication’ or ‘fibbing’ as it's sometimes referred to, often sends parents into a tailspin of worry. This instinctive reaction stems from a desire to ensure honesty and integrity in their children, fearing that lying might indicate deeper issues. Parents may be particularly concerned when children tell fibs about minor infractions, like skipping a chore or saying that they did not do something that they clearly did. Such lies might seem trivial but can feel like cracks in the foundation of trust between parent and child.
Dr. Kang Lee, a developmental psychologist from the University of Toronto, offers a refreshing perspective on this common concern. He explains that lying is actually a fascinating sign of cognitive growth.
Believe it or not, children can start lying as early as 2.5 years old! At this age, only about a third of children might tell a fib, but by age four, over 80% of them will have tried their hand at lying. By the time they reach seven, almost every child will lie at some point to cover their tracks.
Dr. Lee explains that this early lying is actually a positive sign of cognitive development. It shows that your child is developing two crucial skills: mind-reading (understanding that others have different thoughts and knowledge) and self-control (the ability to manage their impulses and present a different narrative). In other words, lying is a developmental milestone that indicates children beginning to grasp that other people do not know everything they do, and they are learning how to navigate their own actions and words.
By ages seven and eight, lying becomes almost a universal trait. Children at this stage are skilled at crafting convincing stories to avoid trouble. Dr. Lee notes that nearly all children in this age group will lie to cover up mistakes or misbehaviors.
But don’t worry, this does not mean they are destined to be dishonest people. Instead, this behavior reflects their growing understanding of social norms and the consequences of their actions. At this point, children are testing the boundaries set by a parent or caretaker and figuring out how to manage more complex social interactions.
Interestingly, the frequency of lying starts to drop after age eight. By age 12, the rate of lying falls to around 60%, and it continues to decrease through the teenage years. As adolescents develop a stronger sense of morality and a better understanding of social norms, they often begin to value honesty more and lie less.
Dr. Lee suggests that adolescence can be seen as a more honest period of development for teenagers develop a deeper understanding of right and wrong and are more capable of empathizing with others. As a result, they are less likely to lie as frequently as younger children.
So, when your child tells a lie, remember it’s a normal part of growing up. Instead of focusing solely on punishment, use these moments as opportunities to teach your child about honesty, responsibility, and empathy. Foster open communication and create a safe environment for truth-telling. This way, you can guide your child through this natural stage of development and help them grow into more honest, self-aware individuals.
For more information on child development and parenting strategies, call 116, the National Child Helpline toll-free.
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